June 6

The Real Way to a Man’s Heart.

“The center of a woman’s happiness in marriage is to be loved–but the center of a man’s is to be admired.” –Helen Andelin   The real way to a man’s heart is simple to understand, if we only take a minute to try.

Starting from when they are little boys, men begin to crave admiration.  A man wants you to see and admire what he can do, his ideas, and his accomplishments.   This drive for admiration is even bigger than his drive for love.  If you want to see an instant improvement in your relationship with your husband, father, or sons, pay close attention to this blog post, for it is when you express admiration for a man that you stir his feelings of love of you.

il_340x270.580849021_jqi9 Photo credit: Norman Rockwell

Starting at a young age, the drive for admiration goes deeper than any want.  It becomes a need.  It is an essential element to building a boy’s self-confidence to carry him into manhood.   Later, when he is grown, it is the boost that he needs to survive in the competitive world of men.  When admiration is missing from his life, it is disastrous.  Men who have lacked admiration often become cold and hardened.  They learn to repress the craving for admiration because they’ve given up on receiving it, but it remains under the surface, just as strong as ever.

Therefore, begin to make it a point to notice and acknowledge these traits in all of the males you have in your life.  But be advised however that if you were to compliment a man on the way he was helpful to you when he mopped the floor,  he might appreciate your acknowledgment, but it will do little to stir his feelings for you.  What he craves most is an acknowledgment of his masculine qualities.  Physical qualities to admire would be things like his large build, his strength, his beard, and anything that distinguishes him as male.  His abilities in sports, in lifting heavy objects, chopping wood, perhaps.

Mentally he desires admiration of his achievements, skills, and abilities.  This can be anything from the way provides for your family, how he fixed the broken door, or the way he earned his degree.  Tell him how dependable he is, how you admire his determination.   Tell him you are proud of him.

Why? Because it makes him feel manly and being made to feel like a man is one of the most pleasurable experiences a man can experience, and when a woman gives him that kind of feeling, she becomes indispensable to his happiness.   Don’t forget, as the late Maya Angelou said “…people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”  Do this often and your husband will learn to turn to you for comfort and companionship.  You will win his deep love and devotion.

If you aren’t sure what to admire, follow these simple steps:

(1) Spend some time thinking about him each day.  Think about what he is doing.  Think about things he has said.  And,

(2) Watch him closely.  If you keep your eyes on him, you’ll find things to admire.

and most importantly (3) Listen to him.

If he talks about his work and it bores you, resist the urge to look away and pay attention to your own tasks.  Stop what you are doing.  Look at him and listen.  Do you hear and see a man who is devoted to his work?  Do you hear and see a man who is working hard to provide?  What is he excited about? What skills does he have that you never acknowledged?  Is it something to admire? Perhaps he is talking about things you don’t understand.  Don’t be surprised to learn that he may be doing that on purpose.  He wants you to admire his vast knowledge as well.

Lastly, when you express your admiration, be sure to be sincere.  Do not take this lightly.  Superficial flattery will come across as an insult.  Anything you say that is not sincere will be easily detected as a lie.  He will resent it.  Be sure you’ve observed and listened and the things you express are heart-felt.  Doing these things will bring amazing rewards to him and his personal growth.  It will build his self-confidence and give him the fuel to become an even better man.   But more importantly, when you  have accepted him exactly as he is (as we talked about in our post a few days ago), and you sincerely admire your husband’s masculinity, it brings significant rewards to your relationship.