Crazy, sweet, passionate, true love. The kind of love that makes a man experience a feeling almost like pain deep in his heart. Where he feels completely captivated by her. When he feels a tenderness and a desire to protect and shelter her from all danger, harm, and difficulty. It’s the kind of love we all hope for. It’s what we dream about as little girls. It’s old-fashioned, life-long love, and we can all have it right here right now. How to create perfect love . . .
Perfect, true love is not selfish. The woman who can bring about this kind of love in her husband helps him find a deep happiness and fulfillment. The woman who does not robs him of one of life’s greatest sources of joy. And vice versa. We owe it to ourselves to learn how to build such a relationship. And it need not be a difficult task. All we, as women, need to do is to learn how to understand men. Yesterday we touched upon one of the steps to understanding men. Today we talk about the qualities in women that men look for in a potential bride and lifelong soulmate.
Have you ever seen a couple that included a strikingly good-looking man and a somewhat homely woman and wondered what he sees in her? The ideal woman in a man’s eyes is a very different creature that what you’d imagine. Studies conducted throughout the last one hundred years have shown that when asked about what is important when looking for a potential mate, female physical beauty was nowhere near the top of the list for men. Nor were the other qualities that women tend to assume men would seek like talent and intelligence. Consistently men have shown a strong preference for girlishness, tenderness, sweetness in character, and a deep understanding of men. Men have a very different interpretation of female beauty. They place more importance in the “sparkle in her eyes”, how she smiles, how she radiates joy, and her feminine manner. In other words, we are all able to cultivate the magical aspects that attract men and perfect love regardless of our physical presentation.
In the book Fascinating Womanhood, the author breaks down the attributes of an ideal woman into two parts–The Human side and the Angelic side. The Angelic side has to do with a woman’s basic good character and her ability to understand men. It also includes her domestic skills and her sense of inner happiness that she radiates to the world. The Human side refers to a woman’s appearance and actions and her feminine qualities. It also speaks to her dependence on a man for care and protection. And lastly it includes a woman’s good health and her “spunk.” Together, the two sides create what most men would call the perfect woman, and both sides are essential in winning his perfect, true love.
Each side awaken different feelings in a man. The angelic side awakens feelings akin to worship. It brings him peace and happiness. The human side awakens feelings of fascination and enchantment. It awakens his desire to protect her from all danger. And when he has the opportunity to feel all of these things for a woman, a man is said to “cherish” her.
That’s our goal. We all want to be cherished. To do that we need to find all the pieces of this puzzle and put it together. Yesterday we talked about the most important step to understanding men. Acceptance. Accept your husband as he is. Do not try to change him. That step falls into the “Angelic side” of the female character. No man really wants to be in a relationship with a woman who he does not see as a little bit of an angel. He might enjoy her very much, but he would not ever fall deeply into love with her because to do so he must admire her to the point of worship. I know this sounds like a lofty goal, but really the Angelic traits that can create this state of mind are not difficult to achieve.
There are four parts to the Angelic qualities–Understanding men, deep inner happiness, a worthy character, and good domestic skills. If you read and completed yesterday’s post, you’re already well on your way to understanding men. The next thing to know is that that men don’t think like women do. They don’t approach problems like women do. Nor do they have the same needs that women have or the same sense of values.
For example, love is essential to both. To be admired is essential to both. But to be loved is more important to women and to be admired is more important to a man. One of our biggest problems in our marriages today is that we assume that our husbands will want to feel the same things that we feel, so we supply him with the same. Unfortunately, that’s not what he needs. So he doesn’t respond with the same tenderness that we expect and all sorts of hard feelings and misunderstandings result. Next thing we know, we are snowballing our way to a miserable existence.
To avoid that, we need to be aware of the 6 Characteristics of men. Here they are:
1. His need to be accepted just as he is.
2. His need to be admired.
3. His ego/ his pride
4. His need for you to understand him
5. His need to be number one in your life
6. His need to be the guide, protector, and provider for his family
Tomorrow we’ll continue on with our lessons by looking at number 2–His need to be admired. If you have not yet read and completed yesterday’s lesson, tonight is a good time to do that. See you back here tomorrow!