Every week I receive emails from men and women, young and old, who are looking for a mate that believes in old-fashioned, traditional marriage. They ask where they can find a spouse who thinks the way Mr. C and I think. This post is for all of you. The Dating Game – Finding an old-fashioned mate.
First, I have to clarify a bit though. In our house and in the homes of most of the people we know, the “new” old-fashioned marriage is not exactly like a 1950’s marriage. As much as we like to try to stay within the basic format of traditional marriage, the world has changed and we have all had to evolve with it.
First, for you young lovers, seeking a stay-at-home wife and mom scenario
Although it can be done, it is very difficult for a young family to live on one income. My second daughter was able to do it and be home with her children until they were in school, but she had to budget well and make a lot of sacrifices. They had to live with only one vehicle and eat a lot of beans and rice. They shopped deals and cut coupons. They were able to purchase a home and have her stay home with the babies, but they gave up a lot to do that. You need to be aware of that going in. You will not have the latest gadgets and your friends will criticize. In fact, after a few years you may have a whole new set of friends–ones you can relate to. The others will probably be gone.
You have the challenge that at about age 40-50 women are finally beginning to figure themselves out and know what they want in life now that the kids are grown. It may not be to stay home. It may be to explore something that used to excite them but that they gave up in order to raise a family. This may be her time to fly. You need to give her space to do that. There are still many ways to have a traditional marriage without the Mrs. being a stay-at-home wife. You have to be open to that going in.
And for the seniors,
Well… this might be just perfect for you, but finances may not allow it to be so. Retirement funds are disappearing in the blink of an eye, and all the budgeting in the world might not be enough to cover advancing medication and medical costs, never mind food and housing! You may need to figure out alternative ways to support the household. That might be side jobs. It could mean a home business. Either way, you are likely going to stray outside of the traditional roles a bit. Accept it and move on.
Once you have acknowledged all of this, I have one suggestion that seems to work very well. I’ve seen more than a handful of successful marriages just in my own personal circle come from using this method. This would be where the “Modern Day” part of the Modern Day 50’s Housewife comes in… you ready?
What could be more perfect than a computer sorting for you? You put in your exact likes and dislikes, your hopes and your dreams, and the computer finds a match for you. If you all–ladies and gents–started doing this and put in there that you are seeking an old-fashioned, traditional marriage to the greatest extent that it can be achieved, you’d find matches. And judging by how many of you inquire about this, you would find lots of potential matches at that.
Old-fashioned marriage is not dead. It’s just hidden under fear. Fear of speaking up. Ladies don’t want their friends to think they are submissive. They don’t want people to think they are lazy for not wanting outside work. Men are afraid to insult career-minded women or to be accused of dumbing down women.
What about if we were all just honest about what we want?
Let me tell you this. I’m a smart woman. I know that. I have great business smarts too. But my heart wants to be a stay-at-home wife and mom more than anything else in the world. I would have considered it a waste of my life–no matter what great business goals I’d achieved–if I had never had the opportunity to just BE what I wanted to be.
Take a chance. Go be bold. Ask for what you want. You just might get it!
And when you find your potential spouse, don’t forget to get do a Marriage Agreement together before you tie the knot! Imagine the conflict you can avoid by discussing and agreeing on all the main points ahead of time. Talk about contentment! OK. Go get ’em. Good luck!
Keep me posted on your progress!