The Truth Behind the Fighting
During my time confined to the couch I’ve done lots of reading. Currently I am reading The Autobiography of Mark Twain–highly recommended if you enjoy historical reading. Just his descriptions of old-fashioned food, homes, and living alone make it worthwhile to me. So many things I am going to try. But that’s not the topic of this discussion today. It is something he said in the book about why men like to fight that got me to thinking, and I’ve concluded that I have been had. Duped! Tricked!
I’ve talked before about how men go out into the world every day prepared to fight a battle. They have to fight for everything–position, pay, pride, just to name a few. Those poor souls! The agony of it all! Until today I felt badly about that, but as it turns out they don’t feel badly about that at all. They thrive on it. Be it physical, mental, or professional, men like a good fight.
I did a little internet research. Blogs mostly, because I wanted to hear it from the horses mouth. In this article, the blogger comes right out and says that men fight (physically) because it feels good. A testosterone thing, apparently. And then there’s this one: The Joy of Punching . Yeah. You read that right. The joy. Of punching. This pic to the left is from that blogger. (go check it out) The message is the same. Blog after blog. There is pride in the punch–be it physical or mental.
I’ll admit that I’m more mystified by men than I’ve ever been before. I hate violence. I’ve hidden more people on Facebook solely because of their propensity to share stories of violence and gore than for any other reason. I hate it. Hate it.
But I have a confession to make. I think as much as I am repelled by it, I’m attracted to it–the manly bravado kind, not the torture of kids and animals kind. I think to some degree all women are. It’s part of our make up. We want to be with a man that we know can protect us, and the only way to know that is to see his displays of manly-manness. For some men that comes out in a very physical way. For others it is in business success. And still others it is in his academic achievement. The truth is that those displays are very necessary. Men are likely genetically predisposed to such behavior simply because we, as women, look for the man who is king of the mountain (so that we can live like queens.) They are programmed to enjoy the battles. We are programmed to be attracted to the victors.
My first inkling to my personal role in this actually happened a few years back when there was an incident involving a threat to our young grandson and my overly protective Mr. C. He found himself in a very physical altercation that resulted in a bloodied face for the other guy and Mr. C with swollen knuckles. During the incident (while hanging off of his back like a cape flapping in the wind, trying to peel him off of the bad guy) I was horrified at the brutality of it all. And . . . strangely aroused. I spent weeks feeling ashamed of that, yet I couldn’t stop thinking about it–how his muscles rippled and the shear force behind his fight. It was quite frankly thrilling.
Now that I understand this is all how it’s meant to be, I think I can let it go. I can allow myself to simply accept that things are simply as nature intended them to be. Mr. C is a caveman, and I am his cave woman. We are still just beings living in a modern day world while at the mercy of our primal urges.
So what does this mean for you? It means that perhaps it’s time you learn about his favorite sport or venture where competitiveness is involved. For some it’s sports. For others stock trading. Still others hunting, or playing chess, or gardening. Whatever it is, find it. Learn about it. Take an interest and try to understand it. Maybe watch a game or two with him. Professional sports are popular with men because it’s equally true that if they can’t be fighting themselves, the next best thing is to watch a good fight. (They get almost as much of a testosterone and adrenaline surge by watching as by playing!) Your job is to learn to watch him, share the experience, and appreciate what is happening in his body–the tension and the hormonal surges, and then feed it. Encourage it. Why? Because it makes him feel good. It releases tension. It’s good for him. And it makes him feel more manly.
Your reward? If you are paying attention, you will feel your own female attraction rise in response. And then you will share greater closeness. Try it. You just might like it! Let me know how you make out.