5 Reasons Modern Day Women are Choosing to Live as Old fashioned Wives
Despite the daily barrage of articles, memes and blog posts calling for a stop to sexism and even greater freedoms for women, blogs such as this one and Facebook groups dedicated to old-fashioned living are growing exponentially. If you listen carefully you can hear it–beneath the shouts of feminists– the quite murmurings of women who are growing more and more discontented with the current state of marriage and family life in the US and abroad. They’re tired of the chaotic living and disconnected marriages that often come with trying to do it all–work full time, raise a family, and keep a home. These women are quietly opting to leave the corporate workplace (and their cushy paychecks) and return home to traditional marriages with old-fashioned gender roles. Most are, at first, afraid to share their happy news with their friends for fear of criticism and alienation, but soon, as they find other modern day housewife reformers in blogosphere and in Facebook groups and form new friendships, their voices begin increasing. The trend is expanding. Make no mistake about it, the apron revolution is very much alive and well. There are primarily 5 reasons modern day women are choosing to live as old fashioned wives. And as each returns to her traditional role as wife and mother, the reasons become even more clear.
Every day women write to me saying, “Thank God I found your blog.” And, “You literally saved my marriage (or my life).” These women come looking for kindred spirits, for others who also want to return to a place and time of peace and sanity, and when they learn that they are not alone these ladies are often overcome with joy and relief. Happy tears flow. Hope increases and the sisterhood grows. Across the internet, women from all over the world are helping each other get back to old-fashioned living, and what we are seeing is that once they’ve settled into their new “old-fashioned” routines, any remembrances of things they sacrificed in order to do so fade away and are replaced with the joys of these five benefits:
(1) The kids
Almost without exception, the first changes after mom begins staying home are evident in the children. Kids who were formerly accustomed to being awakened early to be rushed off to daycare and then hastily retrieved later in the day by an exhausted and frazzled mom are now exposed to a gentler existence and the trickle down effect of that existence is far-reaching. It goes beyond getting more sleep. It even goes beyond quality time with mom. These moms report seeing fewer insecurities, less bed-wetting, fewer temper tantrums, and greater degrees of concentration in their little ones. They report closer relationships with their tweens and teens. And they’re finding that they are able to teach all of their children more effectively–all things one would expect when mom has more time at home, but there are greater benefits.
Old-fashioned living often means living with less, and for the kids that means fewer toys. Fewer (or no!) video games. More time playing outside. More time using their imaginations. In our community groups we encourage only allowing a handful of toys available at any given time, purposely, to encourage these behaviors. And what we’re seeing is kids who are naturally achieving healthy weights. Kids who have played out in the fresh air and are tired and ready to go to sleep at bed time, without complaint. Kids who are not over- or under- stimulated.
Further, when mom is working outside the home, it is often difficult for her to come home and then ask the children to do chores. Her guilt won’t allow it, so she does it all (or attempts to do it all) by herself. Stay-at-home moms, on the other hand, have greater opportunities for teaching patriotism and community responsibility. And just like in old days, these teachings begin at home with the assignment of household chores at a young age. And there is no guilt involved. Assignment of chores leads to children who feel like contributing members of their community. In an article by ABC News, they report:
” Marty Rossman, associate professor of family education at the University of Minnesota, finds that the best predictor of a child’s success — defined as not using drugs, quality relationships, finishing education and getting started in a career — is that they began helping with chores at age three or four.”
It also goes without saying, of course, that stay-at-home parents are also more available for school involvement, supervision of tweens and teens venturing out into the community, and for teaching valuable life skills to our growing young adults.
(2) The House
If you grew up in the 50’s-70’s you may recall that houses were generally much neater. A return to old-fashioned gender roles and values often results in adoption of many of the habits of those eras. First and foremost being less clutter. Early in their first days as a stay-at-home mom, a new housewife is often overcome with the desire to clean out and get rid of the mental chaos that has come to envelope her existence. This purging alone results in a calmer, more serene home that is far easier to clean. But it goes beyond even this. Less time spent away from the kids means fewer “guilt” gifts meaning fewer expenses and less clutter. The little projects she never had time for now get done. The home maintenance is easier to track and complete, resulting in fewer expenses for repairs and replacements. Unheard of time for sewing and mending are now achievable resulting in fewer expenses for clothing and other replacement items.
And let’s not forget that the entire family is now contributing toward keeping the house clean. It’s a family affair–often completed with the accompaniment of music and play.
The health benefits of having mom home begin with the benefits to mom. She has less stress and more time to exercise and care for her own health, but she also has a direct effect on the health of her family. She undoubtedly has more time to plan and cook healthy meals. She has more time to disinfect during times of illness and the ability to see to it that the family as a whole gets exercise, fresh air, and timely doctor and dentist appointments. And let’s not discount the lessened exposure of the kids to daycare center germ sharing, as any parent will attest to the vicious cycle of colds and flu spread in that environment!
(4) The Marriage
Outside of changes with the children, positive changes in the quality of their marriages is the most talked about topic on our group boards. Marriages that were dwindling by threads are turned around into inseparable bonds between soulmates–often in a matter of months. For many marriages, the process of switching to living within traditional roles puts each spouse in a position, often for the first time, to honor their inborn natural instincts. After years of being inundated with feminist messages to the contrary, these women no longer associate shame with wanting to be a good wife and mother. And for the first time, the husbands are allowed to lead in the manner that their soul has always urged them to do. With practice, each learns to appreciate and honor the role of the other and life begins to fall into place.
(5) The Spirit
Mahatma Gandhi said, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” It is very difficult to follow your heart’s true calling, or your spiritual teachings, or even your childhood teachings when you are blinded by mixed messages about what is wrong and what is right. It comes down to living in a way that is true to yourself and not worrying about what the rest of the world has to say. If it works for you and your spouse, it is the right thing to do.
What many of these new, old-fashioned housewives are finding is that they feel a peace in their soul for the first time since their childhood. Their purpose matches their thoughts. Their daily living matches their purpose. And the separation from the chaos of modern day living has cleared their thinking. The peace and happiness that they were previously frantically working 40+ hours a week to find, they finally do find sitting right before them in between the walls of their own home. Life is slower, but life is good. Just like it used to be.
This article was originally published at www.OnMogul.com and is reprinted here by the author.