I grew up thinking that being girly was being weak and lesser. That dresses made you dumber, that makeup was what people who hate themselves wear, and that caring at all about how you look and feel was simply energy that could be better spent elsewhere, “in things that actually matter”, I may have said.
A lot has changed, but there are still some glints of judging a woman simply because she looks amazing, though I try to strike up even a small conversation with everyone I find myself judging because the bitterness usually subsides immediately.
My big brother has throughout my life been gently directing me towards the thought that being feminine is more about being refined than being girly. Being meek and modest doesn’t mean you are weak and subservient, respectively. Though I still hate the color pink on principle, I have found a small amount of joy in primping for a special occasion, like a date, a wedding, or simply because it’s a Tuesday and I want to surprise my husband.
Since being married 3 months ago, (and for some time before) I have found myself desperately wanting to conform to traditional gender roles (I didn’t even realize the term “gender roles” had become such a big thing until recently, so typing that out was pretty odd. I don’t generally care about the world’s dramas.)
I am appalled by the feminist movement in every single way. I find it carnal, ugly, and lacking in so many layers. The whole “love your wives, respect your husbands” deal is so simple, pure, and noble, that in contrast, the wagging fingers and spitting tongues of women who ironically speak for the strengths of women seem to not have any clue what true strength is. Elevating another above yourself, regardless of who is “better” or “more worthy” (because let’s be honest here, nobody is perfect), is a strength that surpasses any amount of media-pushed propaganda towards this illusion of equality.
Equality should be striving for humility, not false elevation.
All in all, great website. Thanks for your time and energy!
I am definitely a feminine woman! I prefer dresses and skirts to pants. I don’t care for sneakers unless at the gym or walking outdoors. I do not leave the house in sweat clothes! Cheerful aprons and smocks and hair wraps keep me neat during heavy cleaning tasks. Pretty night gowns for sleeping and robes and slippers will match. I keep up with hair and nails. Make up is a must in some way or another. I love my perfumes powders and creams! I expect my husband son or a gentleman to hold the door pull out my chair or help me on/off with my coat help me into a car ect. I appreciate when my husband orders for me in a resturant or for cocktails. I conduct my self in a lady like manner. I aim to keep a cheerful attitude. I’m raising my son to be a gentleman. He may not appreciate it now but he (and his sweetheart) will one day
After a round of molestation by babysitters when I was young, I came to believe that all things girly were a sign of weakness. No more dresses. No hair ribbons. No smiles. No pink. It was only when I was almost 40 that it dawned on me that my adoption of all black all the time, no waistline, no jewelry et al hadn’t protected me. I still got beat up. I still got abused.
It did me no good. All it did was make me suffer for the lack of what I loved in addition to what others did.
This past weekend I decided to redo my bathroom. My fiance loves it when I do my hair and face , and my soul stealing , depressing hole of a bathroom didn’t help me enjoy it. Its not done yet, by far, but god bless IKEA!
I found out that I have 30 bottles of nail polish, 7 different scented lotions, 5 hairbrushes, 35 scarves, an entire jewelry armoire full of sparkly bits new and old, and more perfumes than I want to admit to. And the only two colors other than black? Peachy pink and 1950s turquoise. Everywhere in my stuff.
I think that women, in order to be -feminine-, not necessarily sexual, but to show delicacy in sentiment, need to feel safe in their environment. It’s not just men that we worry about, it’s other women. Their opinion means more to many of us than we would ever want to admit.
Thank you so much for sharing that. I think you are absolutely right. When I am going out anywhere without my husband, I tend to tone down my delicacy as a self-protective measure. I think to some degree, we have to. It’s not 1950 anymore…