Play up your Femininity Part 2

Play up Your Femininity Part 2 !


Play up your Femininity Part 2 .  What makes a woman feminine?  And why would we go to any extent to cultivate femininity?  Many months ago we started talking about a man’s idea of an ideal woman and how you can save or improve your marriage by striving to be more like her.   (If you want to catch up first, start on this page and read the posts in order.)

Being feminine is #1 on that list.  Men who seek women for their life partners tend to be attracted to feminine women.   Femininity refers not just to appearance, but also to manner and actions.   They are turned on by her girlishness, joyfulness, vivacity, and dependency on men for care and protection.

Without femininity, you could fail to arouse your husband’s natural desire to protect and shelter you.   If he sees you as too strong, dominant, and self-sufficient, he will feel less manly and less needed.

Makes sense, right?  So let’s talk about ways that today’s modern woman can still play upon her feminine side.Last week we addressed how to incorporate feminine fashion and style.  This week we move on to mannerisms.

Your mannerisms are the way you use your body, how you use your hands, your facial expressions, your laugh.

I actually had first-hand experience with this at the beginning of last week when I woke with a touch of laryngitis.   Toward the end of the day my husband told me that he loved my soft little squeaky voice.  He even said it was “so cute!”  So guess what?  Even though I have a naturally high-pitched, girly voice,  I know one thing that I need to work on. 🙂  Softly.  Speak more softly.

It was a lesson I needed a reminder in.   You can’t stop at feminine dress.   Without the correct mannerisms, feminine dress just looks silly.  I’m sure you can think of at least one example of this that you’ve met in your lifetime–someone who looked very pretty and sweet but then spoke in a gruff tone or walked in such a tomboy manner that almost made you laugh out loud.  I can think of a few, personally.

Play up your Femininity Part 2So let’s begin with the hands.

When I was in high school in the “dress for success 80’s” we were actually taught how to shake hands.   A firm grasp, two pumps up and down while you look the other person right in the eye, they told us.   Play up your strength and your confidence, they said.   Right.   They taught me how to act like a man.

Have you ever seen a woman’s hands while she hand sews a button? Or does a cross stitch? or braids a little girl’s hair?  Our hands are little works of art that move in a graceful, delicate manner.  We can fold our hands in ways that men can not.  And men notice the delicacy of our hands.    My husband loves a nicely manicured hand on a woman.  He even holds my hand more when mine are pretty’d up.

Take time to care for your hands.   Hand creme.  Nail polish.  And for all that is holy, don’t use your hands to talk, but DO use them for expression.  A finger gently held in front of the lips after you’ve spoken too loudly or said something you shouldn’t have (combined with an innocent eyelash batting) is very feminine.  Pounding on the table to make a point is not.  Holding up your middle finger at someone is decidedly not!  You get the idea.

Now your walk.  Stand up straight, and walk as if you are worried about disturbing the baby sleeping downstairs.  Light steps.  Always.

Play up your Femininity Part 2

And your voice.  Avoid speaking loudly, crudely, or in any manner that mimics men.  Please, never ever curse.  If you must, come up with suitable alternatives such as “shoot!” or “bugger!”   But don’t curse.

 Nothing crushes a feminine image faster than talking like a truck driver.  Any time you question this, just imagine if you’d like your husband to suddenly start speaking in a soft, effeminate tone of voice.

No?  really?  Right.   He doesn’t want you to start talking like one of the guys either.

Every day, while you are alone,  practice your voice modulation.   Read a story book aloud.  Practice speaking softer, slower, and if necessary in a slightly higher pitch.  After a few weeks of doing this, it’ll become natural.    One wonderful trick is to also put the sound of joy or laughter into your voice.   It’s highly effective.  The same is true for sadness, when those times are appropriate.   Squeal when you are delighted.   Do all of the modulations of voice that men would never do.

Now.  This next is a little bit more difficult, and being such a fan of pure and authentic joy I am almost loathe to mention it, but for some it is important to attempt to alter our laughs.   If you snort, or guffaw, perhaps you might want to attempt to temper it.  On the other hand, perhaps you want to just allow yourself this one freedom of pure unadulterated joy.   I’ll leave this one up to you.

The last bodily motion that I want to talk about is facial expression.   Think about The Wizard of Oz wicked witch right now.   You see her in your mind’s eye.  Her forehead is creased in a frown.  Her lips are pulled tight in a scowl.  Her bodily mannerisms are quick and jerky.

Now transfer that image to some woman that you know looks like that in real life.  Even scarier, right?  yeah.   Don’t do that.   Work to keep your expression softened.  Think kind and happy thoughts.  Take a deep breath several times a day to help relax the stress that causes those frown lines.  Keep your body motions soft and fluid and graceful.

Let’s move on now to other mannerisms such as how you interact with others.   If someone were watching you in conversation from afar, would they know what you were thinking? feeling? or saying?    They should.   When someone is telling you a sad story, your expression should reflect sympathy.   When the conversation is joyful, your face should show joy.   When you are speaking to children, you should be down at their level and using a soft, cooing type of voice.  Be tender.   Be expressive!  Be unabashedly female.

 Embrace it.  It’s your gift.

All of these things take time to cultivate, but start immediately to work on them.  Time is going to pass anyway, so you might as well start using it.   As each week passes, you’ll have small improvements and in a few months, these things will come naturally.

In my next post, we’ll talk about social situations and bringing in further refinement.  Maybe we’ll even do some tea and crumpets.  Just kidding, but really it’s not a bad idea to start to practice with some afternoon tea once in a while.   It could be fun.   See you then!

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  1. Great tips! I don’t swear (well, not often), but I do act very “tough”. I’ve already been working on altering my BRF and tone of voice, but truthfully I never even thought about how my other mannerisms affect the way others see me. And I had to laugh at the tea and crumpets, i just told my daughters (18, 15, 6, and 4) that we should start having teatime once or twice a week! 🙂

  2. Another fabulous post. 🙂 Hadn’t thought of practicing voice modulation! Seems like a great idea for working on a softer tone of voice.

    Only thing I’d say is that I thought that “bugger” is a swear word? At least it is where I’m from…could just be a cultural thing though!

  3. Being from the south, I have some of that feminine ‘southern belle’ that’s expected but I also have a country side, one that swears and drinks beer, tells it like it is and isn’t afraid of getting dirty. Like, I’ll curl my hair and put on lipstick and then go ride 4 wheelers. But being southern also makes me traditional, I beleive in gender roles and am a stay at home mom of 3 kids and I love it. I’m so glad I found your blog and I’m not the only one who feels like its my job as a woman to look after my kids, my husband and the house. Southern women are a rare breed. We cook, clean, raise babies, and take care of our men, and we also get dirty, know how to shoot, can eat (and drink!) like a man, and love football. A little bit of everything 🙂

    • Oh darlin’ that would be the “modern day” in your Modern Day 50s Housewife! The definition of what it means to be a good wife has, thankfully, expanded to allow us all to be ourselves within our individual marriages. 🙂

  4. I agree with you on a lot of this, except for swearing, I think that for the young woman I have experience that men think it is cute when I swear, not in a man’s tone of voice, but I don’t try to be controlled and reserved like a man and repress my emotions, I fully express my emotions and allow that feminine energy to flow, and she curses, because she is emotional, not in a bad way, but I just don’t overly control my emotions. I think that women should not try to speak in a higher pitch that is natural, because it may sound forced, odd or annoying to men, just don’t be shrill is what I am saying. Other than that I agree and cool article.

  5. I love your blog and completely agree with the various points you make in this post. There are several things I want to work on… Number one priority being my work attire. I wear scrubs to work, and it often affects how I feel. It’s easy to want to not wear makeup and have my hair in a pony tail, but I think I would feel better if I fixed my hair, wore makeup, and put on cute jewelry.

  6. Hello, I’m new to the blog. The life of a 50s housewife is something I would like to strive for but I’m struggling to break from what society has taught me, and I feel that every effort I make toward being a better wife gets met with a husband who takes it for granted. All I’ve read on your blog so far is what I should do but is there something I can have my husband read so that he could get on the same page as me.

  7. I love your feminine beauty post! Please post more about this sort of thing and marriage! Your blog has truly been an inspiration to me! When I first read it in the summer I was just starting out to love Vintage 50’s, and now I try to be a full on 1950s housewife. Thank you so much for sharing.

  8. I am enjoying these posts! I just got out of the military and am switching my roles of basically acting like a man, to being the homemaker. I am really enjoying the small changes as they add up in my life. I wore a dress when my husband and I went out to eat and the look of awe in his face made it all worth it. He had a huge smile and constantly told me how beautiful I looked. I know to him seeing his normally rough wife in a different way made his day. I am trying to slowly change my old comfy clothes for more attractive clothes that make me feel like the way he looked at me. I used to see femininity as a curse word and something to make fun of, but now it makes me so happy to have such an easier life and a husband who takes care of me and adores me the way he does. I don’t know why anyone would look down on something as wonderful as the woman and the power a woman has. Thank you for these, even though I know they are old.

  9. i had that soft high pitch girly voice….until I remarried and my husband has a hearing lose in one ear, so it forces me to speak in a louder voice. now it has become a habit and I speak in a loud voice all the time. he even had the nerves to tell me..I am loud, but that is the only way he hears me. I hate that my voice has changed, being that I have never liked loud women. any advice?

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